Month: April 2016

God is Writing Our Story: The Wait

The other day I realized that this month last year is when I had my last miscarriage.  It has been a year since I have been pregnant. We have been trying to have another baby for almost two years.  We have had two miscarriages in that time.  Now that we are a year out from our last miscarriage, it seems like such a long time.  I was one of those crazy moms that wanted their kids close together.  I wanted kids one right after the other.  My son is going to be three soon and in all of my plans, we should have at least one other child by now.  

Secondary Infertility is no joke.  I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but it seems like that could be what I have.   I wonder what is wrong with me and why I can’t get pregnant around my period each month.  I feel less than other women who struggle with infertility because I have a son already. However, the pain of getting my period each month doesn’t get any less.  The wondering and the worry doesn’t get any less.  The empty womb is painful. 

However, I am a firm believer that God opens and closes wombs.  When it is His timing for me to have a baby, if it is ever His timing for me than He will do it. God is writing our story.  It is the most beautiful phrase that the Lord has ever given me to dwell on.  He is writing our story. 

The first glimpses of hope were when we started to prepare for foster care.  We knew that the process would be long, but we were prepared.  But God, in a way that only He could, fast tracked us through the process.  We finished the training as quickly as one could.  I have been so hopeful to get a call, but the Lord has us waiting.  We have been placement ready since March 16, but our phone hasn’t been called. 

So, we wait. A million times a day I think, “God is writing our story.”  We knew that the area that we live in doesn’t get many placements, so that it may take awhile, but each day that passes, I worry more.  What if we can’t adopt our first placement, how old will our son be when he finally gets to be a big brother?  Will our kids be close or will they be too far apart to be friends? 

But I have to remember, God is writing our story.  He knows. He has the answers.  He knows if I will ever get pregnant again.  He knows when we will get “the call.”  He knows if we will ever get to adopt.  He knows our hearts, He knows our desires, He knows our family.  My job is to surrender my desires, hopes and dreams to Him in this time of waiting.  My job is to trust.  He is calling me to trust and I must be faithful in that trusting.  This is not easy for me.  But, it is a discipline that I am learning and will continue to learn the rest of my life.  God is refining me.  He is calling me to be His, to surrender my will to His will.  This is how I am practically doing it, reminding myself each day that God is writing our story.  

God is Writing the Story

Writing the Story

I started worrying again, letting my mind wander…”what if we don’t get a placement for a long time?” “What if there are no baby boys that need foster homes in our area?” “What if the baby is addicted to drugs, can I handle it?” “Am I even strong enough to do this?”

The refrain was familiar.  I have thought it for months since we decided to do foster care and started taking classes.  

Foster care is all about taking the “I” out of my planning for how my life is going to be.  “I want to get a baby who is just born” “I want to be able to adopt a foster child.” “I want a normal life.” “I want our family to be complete sooner rather than later.”  Instead, I have to hand over the controls.  I have to constantly submit my will over to God’s will, and trust him in that. 

As I started worrying again, my thoughts were graciously changed by the Holy Spirit.  I was overcome by peace with him reminding me that God knows what I can handle, he knows what my family can handle.  God is writing this story.  It is my job to trust Him, rely on Him and call out to Him for help over and over. 

He knows when I will get “the call” that a child needs a temporary home. He knows if that child will be reunified, have family adopt them, or possibly have us adopt them. He knows if the child will have suffered neglect or drug addictions. He knows it all.  That thought is what brings peace in the unknown.  He knows.  He knows every detail of what we will be going through.  He can lead and guide us in that.  He will give us more than we can handle because He wants us to rely on Him.  

God has got this whole foster care thing under his control.  He knows us, he knows what we need and we don’t have to be afraid of the future and all that it may bring because God will be caring for us and calling us to love this little ones for a long time into the future whether or not they end up being part of our forever family. 

God is writing this story, and I can almost guarantee that living this story will cause us our highest highs and lowest lows, yet it is exactly what He is doing to call us closer to His heart and to love the modern day orphan in our area. 

Dear Four

Dear Four,

Yesterday I got curious around 2:00pm. I was a day late and although I usually wait a couple of days being late before testing (after many many negatives) I went in and took a pregnancy test.  I honestly wasn’t expecting the same as tests I have taken over the last year, so I took the test and then got involved with my phone.  I looked up briefly a couple minutes later and there were two lines.  IT WAS POSITIVE! The adrenaline hit me right away.  I dug through the cabinet for another test.  Almost immediately, it turned positive.  I AM PREGNANT.  I didn’t know what to do or how to tell your dad.  At that moment, he knocked asking to use the bathroom.  I opened the door, with the tests on the counter and said sure.  He saw the tests right away.  The answer was super clear and bold, unlike my last two sets of positive pregnancy tests. He was shocked, just how I felt.  

We hugged, we laughed, we prayed and we cried a little bit. I was growing you.  We are so excited and scared at the same time.  We have lost two babies before you and now have to wait to see if God grows you in my womb.  Oh Four, I hope that he does.  I hope that God grows you into a person who we get to meet here on this earth in 8ish months. I am praying for that and asking God for that.  

I want you to know that even in the fear, we celebrated.  We laughed and cried and were in awe that God opened my womb again.  We hugged a lot, whispered about our new little secret, and looked at each other with awe. 

After your brother went to bed, we each poured ourselves a bowl of Lucky Charms and celebrated you, the new life inside of me. We love you already, even at the size of a poppyseed. =)

Love, Mommy and Daddy

Our Foster Care Timeline

Everyone’s timeline for foster care and foster care training is different.  I wanted to document ours so that I could remember the journey that we have taken.  These are all the seemingly insignificant details that have lead us to this point. 

October 25th- We decided  that we were going to pursue foster care in the new year.  

December- At the end of December, we watched a brief orientation video and then filled out a questionnaire. We then signed up for classes.

January 5th- Three Hour Orientation

January 9th- Eight weeks of classes begin each Saturday from 9am-12pm. 

January 21st- TB Testing and Physical

January 26th- Application Submitted to the County

February 11th- Livescan (Fingerprinting)

February 24th- Home Inspection (We passed!)

February 27th- Our eight weeks of classes ended.

March 11th- Our Foster Care License Arrived in the mail.  We are official. 

March 12th- CPR and First Aid

March 16th- PLACEMENT READY!!!

We have a license for one infant 0-2 (hoping for a boy 0-1).  We are now waiting for “the call.”